A Step Into Hell / My Mother

"Magoo" <Magoo44@charter.net>
A Step Into Hell / My Mother
28 Jan 2004

A STEP INTO HELL
(and ya, it's off topic)

Most of my life I have wondered about various things having to do with life, and life after. Having been raised a Catholic; I was raised with the concept of Heaven, and Hell.

Early on I decided that wasn't true for me, and that I believe people experience Heaven or Hell, depending on what they are doing or do in their lives and with their lives. (Listen up, OSA ops :)

Ok, so quite a few times throughout my life, I've felt I've brushed with Heaven or a version of it, so to speak.

However, only a few times did I have brushes with Hell. The only two times were when I was in my teens.

Tonight, I again was reminded of what to me might be a form of Hell.

I went to see my Mother, who is in an Assisted Living Home. There she was, lying on her bed, gazing off. She smiled as I walked in. As we sort of talked, I asked her what was on her wrist? She looked a bit confused, and then said, "Oh, I need that so I remember".

Realizing she had no clue, I just smiled and held her hand. She's quite happy, bless her soul.

Here is a woman who a few years ago had over a million of dollars. So much that she and her creepy husband took me out on their yacht and told me, "We'll never be in one of those homes. We're just going to go out on our yacht and kill ourselves, when the time comes."

That was in the early '90's when they were hoppin, owed two magazines they'd created, felt the wind on their backs, and life was great. I was on OT 7, and knew this wasn't something to argue with.

They were dead serious about that. They then went on a 6-month cruise that cost them a fortune. Finally, her nutty husband got into a 60-minutes/scam-type deal, blowing ALL of their money with these con men, refusing to listen to anyone.

They lost their yacht, their home, all of their money. He died and left her $100, two years ago. He was such a creep over the years that not one of his 5 kids would come to his funeral! So needless-to-say, she's burned many bridges, standing by him.

Now? Thankfully she's forgotten her plan to never be in a home. She's lost her husband, and most (all) of her old friends, and as I type this, I just realized we both, for different reasons, have experienced similar things.

No, they didn't "Disconnect" from her, but they don't call. Even her two sons are "Too busy." To me, that's a version of Hell -- along with having your memory taken from you, in such great detail.

Luckily for her, she seems to be happy even so. That's my mom, though: She's a fighter. As with many people in that condition, they're not aware of it (Or we don't think) -- so they seem Ok. She really does.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I always kept in mind the wonderful mother she was as a child. For years she's been -- well -- as her sister said, "Tory, you haven't had a mother for most of your adult life".

True.

However, now I do. Sure, she's drifting, faster each day. But I'm happy to see the old mom I once knew. She still has that sparkle I knew so well as a child.

(Actually it's returned. I hadn't seen it for years, while she was a big drinker).

As a child, She put magic in my life, and told me every day to "Make sure to take time to smell the roses".

She gave and gave and gave, until my transformation in my teens from good to disaster, and ultimately becoming what we call "A moonie" (Scio).

Then, My Dad died, she remarried, and we each went our own ways, so to speak. Sure, we stayed in touch, always, but our lives were SO different.

In a way, we both were off on our weird trips is how I look at it, and we both returned around the same time. I got out of Scientology, and she got out of a horrible marriage.

So walking along in the halls and seeing all of these faces, alone for the most part, but trying to make it through, to me it looked like what Hell must be like, in a way. Not really, as it's very loving, but a version of it? I guess there's just something about it that's hard to describe, but it gives me thanks each day for all that I do have.

What's my point? Well... I've said it before, but I'll keep saying it: Make sure to share all you want with your parents, while you can. Once they drift off.... they are Gone.

I thank God that for years I spent time thanking her, telling her how much I loved her, what a great mother she was, and going over wonderful memories we'd had.

Now? It's too late. She can only hold my hand, and smile.

Much love to all.

Tory/Magoo ~in the light!
In Scientology for 30 years
Happily out for 3 years, 6 months
For thinking and speaking my mind, I am:
Declared SP (SP 6 ^with Cumulative Cluster)
Expelled from C of S (Woooo hoooo!) :)
A Free Speech Advocate!
Free at last!!!

For more information, please see:
http://www.xenu.net
http://www.xenutv.com
http://www.torymagoo.org
http://www.lermanet.com/cos/toryonosa.htm
http://www.altreligionscientology.org

E-Mail: magoo44@charter.net
(818) 588-3044
Burbank, CA